A Disease Worse than Cancer
I hate cancer.
Now, I don’t use the word “hate” often, nor do I feel hatred toward very many things. But I really hate cancer. I hate what it does to a person and how it can take a vibrant, healthy individual so full of life and reduce that same person to one who is weak and fighting for breath. I hate that it is such a long and difficult battle for the patient and their loved ones. I hate that it is so prevalent today and you’re hard pressed not to find someone who hasn’t been personally affected by it, one way or another.
As horrible as the disease of cancer is, I’ve found that there is one even more dangerous and more prevalent.
The disease of doubt.
When a loved one of mine faced cancer, I prayed and believed that God would heal him. For a short time, it was evident God gave him extra days on this earth. But when the cancer returned, it wasn’t long before my loved one passed from this life to his eternal heavenly home. At first, the grief is heavy enough that you can’t really process much else. You’re just trying to put one step in front of the other and figure out what this new reality is.
But as my fog of grief began to lift, I found that my emotions were still so tender and a perfect garden for the enemy to plant seeds of doubt. I wondered if God had heard my many prayers. I wondered if He cared. I wondered if there was something I could have or should have done differently, and maybe there would have been a different result.
Planting doubt is one of Satan’s oldest tricks. Way back in the Garden of Eden, he asked Eve, “’Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden”?’”
Genesis 3 continues, “The woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, “You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.”’
‘You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the woman. ‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’” Genesis 3:1-5
He starts out with questioning “Did God really say….?” And even after Eve confirms that yes, that is what God instructed, Satan continues prodding, almost like he’s trying to convince her that God’s words weren’t actually for her. Maybe someone else would die from eating the fruit, but not her. She, instead, would be like God.
Though I certainly never believed I’d be like God, I did feel doubt taking a hold of my heart and causing me to wonder if the promises in God’s Word about never being alone or Him hearing my cries actually applied to me. As this happened, you can imagine that it didn’t exactly enrich my relationship with the Lord.
Doubt in God; in His goodness, His love, His righteous, and in His wisdom can cause a crippling effect. It brings about separation between us and our Creator. Doubt destroys. It can grow at a breathtaking pace. Much like cancer, but on a far more dangerous level. Cancer may afflict physical bodies, but doubt can destroy a soul.
I got to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore and I wept at God’s feet. I poured out my grief and my questions, no longer content with keeping it bottled up inside of me. I found relief and healing. When I read Scripture, it was the most soothing balm to my aching heart.
“The righteous cry, and the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:17-18
I stopped questioning if God’s words were true and applied to me. I know they are and do because I know our God is loving and keeps His promises. We all can be assured that our God is trustworthy if He loved us enough to send His Son to die for us. A love as strong and pure as that doesn’t have room for deception. If Jesus died for everyone, that includes me and you, as well, and that means He loved us enough to do so. How do you question a love like that?
We also know that we can trust in God’s wisdom, even though many times we cannot understand. We can trust that His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9) and that His wisdom is unparalleled.
“Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!” Romans 11:33
Doubt destroys, but trust heals. If you are struggling with doubting God, open your heart to Him and pour out your questions. Allow His word and His loving presence to penetrate your heart and close the separation that took place while doubt had its way. Know that He can be trusted and that you are seen by Him. The grief may still be there and you still may not understand, but you will be able to say, “It is well with my soul.”
About Tiffany Miller :
Tiffany Miller is a wife, stay at home mom to three little girls, and a writer. She fell in love with Jesus at a young age and grew up wanting to make a difference for Christ in her generation. God called her into full time ministry when she was a teenager, and over time that call was defined more specifically to be ministry to women. It is her desire for every woman to know how cherished they are by their Creator, and that they are never forgotten and never hidden from the one Who loves them most.